Before we knew fat-shaming had a word…

I was getting fat-shamed aaaaalll the time when I was a kid stuffing stuffing into my mouth every Thanksgiving. I would fill up my plate with sweet potatoes, ham, biscuits, turkey, turnips, and more sweet potatoes (I was a kid, c’mon, dude) until it practically almost toppled over. But since then, my plate’s only gotten smaller. Just kidding, I only got a second plate.

But now that I’ve gone through the bullshit of fat-shaming, I cut down on my plate(s) size and ate in smaller portions.

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BUT FUCKOUTTAHEA, it’s Thanksgiving, son!

meaning this is your day to go ham (literally) and I’ve got the guide to remain guilt-free on this fat-filled holiday:

1. It’s ONCE a year.

So calm down, haters. You will NEVER get this chance to get in on this deal where you have some of the best foods in front of you and it’s nearly a buffet. Think about it, literally every family makes enough food for twice the size of said fam. Don’t fuckin feel bad for loading up, because 99% of the time, your eyes are bigger than your stomach. And then, you can celebrate the long weekend with a doobie in-hand when realizing “oh shit, there’s still leftover mac n’ cheese in the fridge”. Best. Munchies. Ever. Ama right?

2. You have to kee kee with some family members you don’t really fvck with.

Be real with YO self: you don’t get along with eeeevvverryybody in your family, do you? If so, lucky ducky, you, but for the rest of us, we think some members belong in the looney bin. In spite of the fact that you have to show face, gobble up on your favorite pie to ease the pain from that time your “Uncle Fester-type” uncle looked at you funny (in that ‘ready to sexually assault’ kind of way).

3. Free Alcohol, ho!

Coquito, coquito! Bruh, it’s a family get-together, so of course you have to get to sippin’. Thanksgiving booze is always a treat because you finally get to get out of the “kiddie table” zone and fuel up on what the grown-ups have been chugging on all these years. Pumpkin-spiced shots, anyone?

4. Black Friday and Cyber Monday is coming

For a curvy fashionista like me, this is a celebration on its own, because not only do I get to embrace my inner fat kid the day before, but I can get excited about all the deals on my favorite clothing brands. And a bitch just got paid, so Asos, you might as well take all my money now.

What are you most excited about this Thanksgiving? What are you absolutely taking home for Thanksgiving leftovers? Lemme know in the comments, fatty.