If you hadn’t noticed…
I barely posted on my blog this month (which I promise to get better at). With summer coming to its midpoint, I can honestly say, I’m relieved. The heatwaves, humidity, and a high chance of passing out on my period. I handled it all like a boss. Nonetheless, summer made me sadder than ever.
During summer, have you ever had that moment where you realize…
“What am I doing with my life?” If you haven’t, you damn sure will. For me, summer (yes, the entire season) forces me to face my present and future. Something about this season, in particular, has me down because Instagram #goals are at an all-time high this time of year. #Baecation, #Staycation, and #GIRLSTRIP among other fun-filled summer hashtags flooded my feeds the last few months. And it made me face the fact that I’m still too broke (and single) to do any of that fun shit.
While I did go to Miami this summer (and it was a blast for the most part), the trip was my first vacation since I was in middle school. And it wasn’t even my trip to plan, sooo… Since then, I’d basically been harboring all levels of educational, familial, and job-related stress without a Black therapist in sight to vent to all those years. But alas. I’m still alive and kicking.
The thing about summer in the city…
is that despite having 2900 people following me on Instagram, I don’t have many friends, and working from home often leaves me in my lonesome. Said lonesome gives me time (too much time) to think. I have time to think about my achievements and failures as summer is where I “should” be living it up. And yet here I am still trying to figure out how to finesse and finagle my ideas into (PAID) content.
But at 24, I’m not quite where I want to be in my life timeline. Being young, Black, and talented makes me want to exceed expectations. And right now, I ain’t exceeding shit (my personal opinion). As I write this I know that “it’s okay and I still have a lot of time,” but I’m impatient. And I can’t (nor will I) wait on the world to accept what I have to offer.
I guess, for me anyway, this summer (and every summer) is a learning experience to understand what I want to do with my life and how I want to live it. Until next year, though, I’ll be hustling my ass off until I can truly live my version of a Hot Girl Summer.
